It’s taken me a lot longer to get around to writing this post than I had anticipated and I’ll explain why. But this pretty little thing has a huge part in it. There is so much more to my life now.
The first week home with Della was really pretty easy. Her days and nights were flipped, which is common with newborns, but fortunately I was able to sneak in naps during the day. The physical toll on my body from the aftermath of birth was nothing major (read: nothing out of the ordinary). I’m so thankful we were able to come home so soon after she was born. While I loved the care we were getting from the midwives and nurses at the birthing center and the outstanding food they served us, getting to come home right away was the best decision we made. We were more comfortable at home.
I was able to spend a lot of one-on-one time with Della, especially during those late night nursing sessions. Before she was born, I didn’t really feel that love they all talk about quite as much. I was in awe of the life growing inside me but it was hard for me to bond with someone who I couldn’t identify yet; someone I’d never met. I’d rub my belly fondly and wonder about the child who would soon join our family but I never felt like it was really happening. But don’t worry, my pregnant friends, all that changes. The deep love happens at birth and beyond. Once she was here, in my arms, this huge wave of intense emotion overcame me; so many things at once. I remember it well from when Owen was born – the bonding between a mother and her child in the days, weeks, months after childbirth is indescribable. I can tell you this: you would do anything – anything – for your baby and your baby becomes the most special and important part of your life. Now that she’s here, I get shivers of undying love and obsession for her on a daily basis. It’s the best.
I was so excited for her to meet Owen. He was really excited to see us when we walked in the door and honestly, wasn’t all that surprised that we had a baby with us. We prepared him with books and talked to him about it frequently. My parents talked to him about her after she’d been born and we FaceTimed with him from the hospital so he could see her.
He isn’t sure what to make of her but he’s very gentle and careful with her which is a side of my wild child that I don’t see all too often. I adore seeing this sweet compassionate boy of mine with his baby sister.
He enjoys showing her his favorite toys, reading to her about trucks and animals and he’s always trying to share his food with her.
And even though he refuses to say her name (he’s very capable of saying it but is being stubborn and will only call her “gog” which means dog), every night before he goes to bed, he insists on giving her a kiss. He thinks she’s a little boring but at the end of the day, he’s quite smitten with her.
Della is my parents’ eighth grandchild – the second granddaughter! – and I’ve watched them grow as grandparents with all of the kids over the last 13 years. Somehow they manage to spread such enormous amounts of love to each and every child. The love of a grandparent is some pretty powerful stuff.
Della and Owen did a gift exchange the day we brought her home. Owen picked out a duck bath toy and pink pjs for his little sister and Della gave Owen a biiiig truck that made Owen the happiest toddler in the world.
The second week at home with Della was a different story. I’ve never been one to take the easy way out so I knew after an easy labor, birth and recovery that things were going too well. Sure enough, nursing started becoming really challenging and painful, more so than normal. I started running a fever and it spiked around 102 for several hours. After a phone call to my birthing center, Alex, Della and I were back at the birthing center an hour later. They diagnosed me with mastitis which is an infection of the breast (I had it in both). For the record, it’s not fun at all.
The lactation consultant, Mrs. O, at the birthing center is one of the best I’ve ever worked with. She’s the first International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) in South Korea and she has taught me so much about breastfeeding already (this was my third session with her). I knew I was in good hands. She explained mastitis and how it takes antibiotics and specialized nursing to fix it. She said I have an oversupply of milk (not a bad thing) and compared me to the Bellagio fountain. (Heh, heh…) I left that evening still feeling crummy but I had a treatment plan and a follow up appointment a few days later. She reassured me it would be find and I was optimistic.
Last weekend is pretty blurry in my mind. Della was struggling to get enough to eat due to the plugged milk ducts I was constantly battling to keep worked out the way Mrs. O taught me and because of my elevated stress levels seemed to make my milk supply tank. Della wanted to nurse around the clock rather than her usual every 2-4 hours. Nursing is one of the best things you can do when you have mastitis but rest is also important and I wasn’t getting much. It’s also very challenging to nurse when you have a high fever and your entire body is shivering and achy. When she wasn’t nursing, she was fussy from hunger pains. Her cries made me cry. I was glued to a chair and she was glued to me all hours of the day and night. My fever broke in the mornings, but it hung in right around 102 and even hit 103 for several hours one evening, despite being maxed out on Tylenol and Ibuprofen. I was beyond exhausted. I felt like I was nursing my baby with two battered punching bags and my body had been run over by a truck…again and again and again.
It was hard on me mentally and physically. She’s so perfect. A champion nurser and doing everything right. And then there was me. Infected, engorged, with an oversupply and a fast letdown that made her choke. I felt like a complete failure.
But we survived. Tomorrow Della will be two weeks old and I’m happy to report that I’m infection free and she’s thriving as an exclusively breastfed baby. Dr. Chung and Mrs. O have been so incredibly helpful getting me over this hurdle and, once again, I couldn’t have done it without them and the support of my parents and husband.
Della had her 2 week appointment today and is doing really well! She is over her birth weight and is now 7 lb 8 oz. So even though there was all the drama and chaos, she still thrived through it all. I did it. You have no idea how much of an accomplishment that is for me. It’s huge.
My parents are still here until Monday (I don’t want to talk about how sad that makes me…we’re not ready for them to go yet) and have been such a huge help. I don’t even know how to begin to thank them. My mom has cooked, cleaned, made freezer meals, done the laundry and taken Della so I could sleep no matter what the hour. They’ve taken such good care of Owen, most importantly, giving him the attention he deserves. The attention that I just can’t give him right now. I know that we’ll get things figured out once we establish our new normal. My dad has played and played and played with Owen. I’ve been taking notes because I’m not as good at playing with trucks as my dad is. It must be a guy thing.
Alex and I spend time with Owen as often as we can. He’s become very fond of my parents and more often than not prefers them to us but that’s fine with me. I’m so glad he loves them so much.
So that’s life in the first two weeks with our sweet Della. Things are busy but my heart is full and I don’t want it any other way. I hope that each and every one of you has the opportunity to feel the overwhelming amount of purpose being a mom gives you. Living for another person is incredibly fulfilling and gives a different meaning to the things you do in life. It heightens every feeling of love you’ve ever had and makes you look at things, people and situations with more compassion. My life drastically changed two weeks ago and it is everything I hoped it would be and more, a new normal and a new beginning that I’m so grateful for.
Mary Ellen says
Way to go mama!! You are a champ!! I am also so envious of your after birth experience. Having had terrible PPD and PPA I wasn't able to feel those amazing overwhelming feelings of love and connection for a long long time (almost a year actually). I am so so thankful you guys are so in love and things are running smoothly. She is such a gift! Congratulations!
Janelle Cook says
So sorry about the mastitis (I am currently dealing with it for the second time, and it is just plain awful), but it sounds like otherwise, things have been amazing! She is just precious!