It’s been four years since this day.
This was the day he graduated from USAFA. Four years ago, he stood on a stage in front of the American flag and was sworn in as the nation’s newest 2nd Lieutenant.
Four years later, he was sworn in as the nation’s newest Captain while flying an F-16 somewhere over the desert, fighting a war.
I’ve said before that this lifestyle of ours isn’t all cookies and cake…and it isn’t, but sometimes it is.
A lot has happened in those four years…
We moved from Colorado to Mississippi to Texas to Germany.
We conquered a long distance relationship – twice.
We got married.
We’re starting a family.
He became a fighter pilot and went off to war.
I completed my undergrad and then went on to graduate with a Masters in aerospace engineering and am now working as a secretary.
His career has taken off and mine has…well…gone down the toilet.
I get asked about my “career” a lot. I don’t love talking about it. When I walked across the stage to receive my Bachelors degree, I truly believed I could have any job I wanted handed to me on a silver platter. Why not? I was a female engineer graduating in the top 10% of my class. I had really big plans for myself. I immediately started applying for engineering jobs in Mississippi so I could move closer to the Viper Pilot. I got rejection after rejection. Apparently, while I was busy taking summer classes my peers were doing internships and co-ops. They got the jobs. I was “inexperienced.”
I am not easily defeated. This didn’t stop me. I decided that if I can’t get the job to gain the experience, I’ll do whatever I can to beef up my resume and set myself apart from the others. Mississippi State University was just a hop, skip, and a jump up the road from where the Viper Pilot was stationed for UPT (undergraduate pilot training) and had a fantastic grad school program.
At Colorado, I studied mechanical engineering, but minored in aerospace engineering — because I always have to go above and beyond my expectations for myself. I realized during the last year that I appreciated external flow more than internal flow (nerd joke, if you’re not laughing at this, don’t feel bad) and I applied to the aerospace engineering graduate program at Mississippi State, or State as it is more commonly known. I also got my first dose of SEC football. (And I haven’t looked back ever since.)
I was not only accepted into grad school, but offered a research assistant position. My thesis project was defined, I didn’t have to pay for school, they would pay me, and my work was funded by a company called EADS (you may have heard of them). I would get a paycheck and a Masters degree out of the deal.
Sold.
As I began the most difficult two years of my education, no one told me I could kiss my career goodbye before it even began.
I wasn’t willing to accept this, though in the back of my mind I knew it was probably true. And so did the Viper Pilot. We never really talked about it. I busted my booty in grad school and had a lot to show for it. I was so proud of myself and my nerdy accomplishments. But all six years of college left me with were some incredible experiences, two framed diplomas to collect dust, and student loans.
After moving to Germany, I took the first job I could get hired for. My current position requires an Associates degree and I made more money as a grad student than I do now. I’m not too good for this job, but I am over qualified and I’m still not sure why they hired me. Well, actually I think I do know why, but I won’t get into that now. I applied for a government position a few months ago, it wasn’t an engineering job, but it did require a Masters degree and it paid fantastically. I was really excited about it. But I got rejected because I somehow wasn’t qualified. I have my qualms with that system, but it is for the best that I keep those comments to myself.
Yeah, I settled for whatever I could get. It is tough going to work some days. Some days I daydream about what I could be doing…a fluid dynamicist studying aircraft icing and performance, developing passive anti-ice coatings to prevent icing and keep the fly boys flying for a big wig company like EADS. I don’t get to put “married to the military” on my resume to explain to future employers why I went from being a successful grad student to a secretary and why I change jobs every three years. But I’m okay with all of this. I’m married to my best friend, I get to live in Germany, the AF takes good care of us, and I’m growing a human. How can I possibly complain?
The obvious thing to do is hold it against the Viper Pilot, right? It’s his fault I had to give up my career for his, isn’t it? NO. Absolutely not. If I did hold a grudge, I wouldn’t have married him (or rather he wouldn’t have married me). It isn’t anyone’s fault so why point fingers? We didn’t have to move to Germany, and I didn’t have to take a low-paying secretary job (I’m confident I would be a really good housewife but we both knew I’d get bored). I do get jealous of how successful the Viper Pilot is and jealousy blows. However, I’m excessively proud of my husband and I couldn’t be any happier with life as I know it…so, what gives?
This isn’t what I had planned for myself and if you told me this is what I’d be doing five years ago, I’d have laughed at you. The short story is that the Air Force has thrown us a lot of curve balls and I’ve had to learn how to adjust {every military spouse/fiance/significant other is nodding in agreement right now and murmuring “mmm-hmm, I know that’s right”}. And they will continue to do so. We have to learn to stand ready at the plate prepared to hit a home run every time. We cannot let the ball smack us in the face.
Everyone’s married-to-the-military career path experience is different, of course. My story is unique. I know loads of advantageous military spouses…nurses, photographers, pharmacists, teachers, and I’m confident there are engineers out there, too. I’m just not one of them — yet. I’m writing a different success story. It isn’t to say that some day my time as an engineer won’t come around because it might.
I know a few of you reading this are dating/engaged to a cadet or now 2Lt (congrats!!) or perhaps about to join the 2% club (yay!!) and my advice to you fabulous people is do not give up on your dreams, whatever they may be. If you want to go to circus clown school, do it. If you want to be a lawyer and open your own firm, pursue it. You never know what curve balls will come your way but expect them and prepare. No one can take your achievements and education away from you. At the least you will be ready to knock the ball out of the park when your time comes around. Adjust your timeline and be patient. Marrying the military doesn’t mean your career has to end!
This is the life we we accepted and the life we love, right? It just isn’t easy, dangit anyway.
Are you married to the military? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic!! Please email me at adventuresofalexandemily [at] gmail [dot] com. Let’s chat!
Emily says
I'm really happy you wrote this post, even if it's not something you like to talk about much. My boyfriend is a Junior (second degree, two degree? I don't know, haha) at the Academy but I only have a semester left until I graduate. It's been stressful trying to decide if I want to do my master's and be long distance for longer, or just try to find a job I can do until I can go back to school sometime in the unforeseeable future so that I can stay close to him. I know that careers are important but when it comes down to it, I care more about my relationship with Dillon than a stable career. I truly think it will all work out, and things have been looking up since my summer job now is something I am interested in continuing after I graduate, and I can most likely do it without having to go back to school. Anyways, I admire you because even though you do have big dreams of being an engineer, you know that what's most important is that husband of yours, and it makes me feel better about my decision, as well. So thank you!
Emily says
Hi Emily – I like your name, by the way 🙂 – my personal opinion is never miss the opportunity to go to school and further your education. The long distance relationships suck but I'm so glad we got them done and over with early on and now we can enjoy our time with each other and focus on building our life together (when he's not TDY or deployed, that is).
Best of luck to you and your man! You have such an AMAZING future to look forward to!!